I’ve come across a rather enlightening explanation, as offered for our illumination (if that is the correct term to use) by the
Of course, the history of Dionysus, his mother Semele and dad Zeus are all now known to have been ‘mythical’, which means none of their lives or events ever actually happened except in the imagination of imaginers and accepted folklore. Even so, many Greeks were happy to bow down and make sacrifices to this piece of imagination, among others; indicating that even if they realised it wasn't fact, they nonetheless actually believed the nonsense of the account, as being worthy of their worship.
I personally find it most alarming that thinking people can actually devote the only mind they will ever have access to, to silly myth and delusion, such as a we see in this case. Strangely enough, the delusion becomes even weirder, as it appears for his birth on December 25, the mother of Dionysus needed to stop off in a 'manger' with a few animals and straw and stuff. Later in life, Dionysus had miraculous abilities, among which was the ability to turn water into wine and raise people from the dead. Now because Dionysus was clearly a part of mytholgy, naturally his supposed supernatural abilities and acts were also imaginery.
I’ve heard it said that life sometimes follows art, and I guess coincidences can look like that occasionally. At least, we are hoping that it is all coincidence, and that only one of these above two accou
nts are mythical in nature, designating the other as fact (we hope). But what a mighty set of coincidences! By the way, it is very interesting to see how these mythical gods such as Dionysus, had as the last part of their name, given to reflect who their dad was, such as Diony-sus, as in Diony (son of) Zeus (that's a pic of a statue of them at left), and Pega (son of) Zeus, being Pegasus. Then there is Je – sus, which we are to assume as another coincidence, but it is strange how these weird coincidences keep piling, one atop the other.
So now, back to our heroine Mary, who seems to have been gifted this extremely special one time only deal, of being born without so much as a whiff of the original sin that the rest of us are all burdened under. Among the many benefits this gracious act afforded her was that she lived out the unique experience of being both the wife and the mother of god at the same time. That would be something that any woman would desire I expect. Another blessing her unique status afforded her, as a complete woman among lesser counterparts is, she clearly escaped the curse of any monthly bleeding discharge. Naturally (if that is the correct word to use), she would not have had a single sexual hormone in her body, so obviously she never felt horny in her entire life, and thus we can see why she has become the perfect role model for the married woman throughout history.
Unfortunately for Joseph, there is no reference anywhere about his also; being an immaculate conception, so I guess that means he didn’t enjoy sinless sperm, as such. This is because he was never really required as a part of the divinely immaculate plan at all, except of course; it was his job to marry Mary - for formal reasons only. But once that was out of the way, it meant he was now doomed to a life of never getting laid, because it seems his wife was busy with a ghost, or something along those lines.
So given that Joseph was born sinful, means he necessarily had a sinful penis, which was not only left out of the entire immaculate conception equation, but also was never going to be of any further use to him or anybody else for that matter, apart from the general need of occasional urination. This means that Joseph, unless he managed to find another method of releasing the natural build-up of his disgustingly sinful sperm, required to get used to the reasonably regular occurrence of an involuntary nocturnal emission via the entirely natural process - commonly referred to as the 'wet dream'. The only alternatives for this I can think of would, I expect, not really fit in with the whole - being the live-in husband of the immaculate wife of ‘god’ lifestyle - in which he found himself.
As these things tend to go; just prior to each of those bi-weekly or so nocturnal events of Joseph’s sinful emissions; he would find himself asleep in their bed with Mary, so we hope. Now as a result of his sinful flesh forcing him whilst he was asleep, to imagine himself, in a steamy romantic act of physically coupling with his wife Mary, so we presume, culminating in that involuntary reactive discharge from the organ of; well - his sinful penis. For the only way he could have avoided the red faces and explaining required for his wife the next morning over coffee, would have been to have an immaculate penis that didn’t pull such stunts to embarrass him so. Sadly though for Joseph, he had no immaculate body parts that we know of, because he was sadly to be omitted entirely from the immaculate deal.
So now of course, we have the dogma of the ‘Immaculate Conception’, as has been proclaimed by Caesar from his high chair in
Unfortunately, none of this is explained in the Christian or any other Bible; however we are fortunate that there exists sufficiently perfect scientific empiric evidence to back up the entire Immaculate Conception deal. For it seems that four years after being defined by Pope Pius IX, sometime during 1854, these facts were scientifically confirmed by the Madonna herself at Lourdes in an apparition to Bernadette with the words: "I am the Immaculate Conception". Otherwise there might have been a few skeptics around the place who would feel that this was some kind of fiction cooked up by some Pope, and not something that actually happened in the real world.
So we are certainly blessed to have the rock solid word of Bernadette as evidence. Of course, this doesn't offer quite enough explanation to keep those annoying skeptics quiet, as to why it took the pope and Bernadette 1850 years to get around to letting the rest of us in on these amazing facts of such great significance - that enriches our lives so.
It’s interesting to note from this whole account, that apparently being born disgustingly sinful like Joseph and Zootsoup, is an arbitrary thing. For it would seem that the only reason why anyone has sin is because we are all produced in the same defective factory; like a manufacturer who produces nothing but defective clocks. However it must be obvious to everyone, that when they put their mind to it, the production line can get it right. So thanks to Bernadette’s scientific prowess, we can all see that it is possible for this factory to produce a half decent clock every now and then, should the urge come upon the production line to do so. After all, it seems they did get it right with 'god's' wife Mary.
If we were all to get in on Mary’s excellent deal of being born without sin, the place would be quite different, such that there would not be a lot of work for priests, cardinals, bishops and popes, as amidst a bunch of non defective clocks. So it is actually an act of kindness by the factory to continue to pump out defective clocks such as Zootsoup, because it is keeping all those who provide the required fixes for the defects in the clocks, in dutiful employment. However we really need to note at this point - with sympathy; as to how exhausting it must be in the repair business for the priests themselves, working so tirelessly as they do, to rectify all the intended defects.
As it turns out, only Mary, the mother of god, could get in on that deal of being arbitrarily born without any sin, since apparently it is a requirement for the rest of us to be born sinful, and creating defective clocks is something, that Mary’s son organises on purpose - simply because he is 'god' and therefore, there isn't a darn thing anyone can do about it. So there!
For Mary, it was a birth without sin, and for the rest of us it would be sacraments and penance and guilt and priests and offerings and lots and lots and lots of religion - and offerings!
Interestingly enough, it seems that some of the defective clocks over the years have actually attempted to source an alternative clock repair guy to the universal brand name, however it did not fair well for some of them. For the consequences were often very grave indeed, with various accounts of enormous piles of smashed, crushed, gassed, tortured, crucified, terrorized, incinerated, and generally badly treated timepieces all over the place, and it seems that even some lions have enjoyed the occasional chowing down on the odd clock or two.
So it appears that keeping a priest and his buddies busy with all kinds of activities, quite apart from his main clock repair - and destruction business, was apparently also part of the divine plan of Bernadette's 'god'. Either that, or this entire thing must be some kind of 'make work' project to keep priests and their friends in a well-payed but easy-living lifestyle; as cooked by some committee, as trained in mythical Egyptian/Greek/Roman religious folklore, as organised by some head honcho papa.
